Dell Schmell

I've always been a fan of Apple. I got my first one in the mid 80s and I couldn't get enough of it. It had an endearing little handhold in the top and once I even took it on a trip to Washington, DC. I'm trying hard to remember the case I had for it and am coming up empty, but I seem to remember it was more a dust cover sort of thing rather than a protective shell. One thing I'm sure of is that I looked like a complete moron hauling that thing with me. The only reason I'm even mentioning that ridiculous episode in my computer life is to demonstrate my continuing idiocy and love affair with computers. And so on Saturday, when my Dell notebook slid off my favorite Christmas present I was heartbroken, but more than that I was just so pissed off at my complete lack of forethought. My grandchildren had just arrived and I was in a rush to move it out of Baby Sophie's way and just wasn't careful enough. It slid off the computer stand in slow motion, landing on the external wireless card (again, stupid...why do I have a computer with an external wireless card...why?). Maybe landing on the wireless card and breaking the delicate little internal connector pins was a good thing? That's what took the initial brunt of the fall and after I ran around the house waving my hands in the air and silently screaming NO NO NO NO NO (didn't want the babies to get completely freaked by Weird Nana), I turned the computer on and...it worked. It worked. All except for the internet connection.

Now we get to my hate affair with Dell. I called them. Okay, I called 'Jennifer and Jason' in Mumbai. They patiently explained to me just how much a fix would cost and how the wireless card slot is connected to the motherboard and how they would send DSL straight to my door with a special box in which my computer would be lovingly cradled on its journey to a place (probably China) where it would be fixed and good as new for, oh, let's see...$859. I called more Dell people, one of whom, Scott, was in the States. After asking Jennifer and Jason to stop trying to speak with an exaggerated Fargo accent, I told Scott to stop being so snippy. Oh yeah, I was in a good space and Dell was helping me get to a better one. You will never get anywhere with Dell if you tell their people to stop being snippy and to stop talking Fargo. Nowhere. Fast.

So then I called my beloved computer consultant, my son-in-law, Matt. He knew all about the problems I was having and I know could sense my near hysteria. He told me what to do and I did it. I went to Best Buy and for $39.99 bought a Wireless G USB Network Adaptor, came home, plugged it into the back of my computer and I have wireless again. I still have my old motherboard and she is most cooperative. I didn't send my computer to Dell and most likely, I will never even consider calling them again. What I will do, when I next drop it on its head is mourn my coordination and then go out and buy a Mac.

Okay, I'm back and I'm online, but now I'm going back to watching something that is making me feel smarter by the minute (and I particularly need to feel this just now). I'm gonna go learn more about this idiot who was making big news when we were in Australia in November. Oh yeah, Sex, Drugs and Jesus. Bring it on, baby. It's all on this show and if it doesn't scare you, then you're a lot stronger than I. Alexandra Pelosi shows such restraint.