Monday, March 14, 2005

Nails so Long they Curl and Other Gross Stuff

Today as I was driving home from jury duty, I saw...okay, before I can even proceed with that sentence, you have to understand that since early last week it's been impossible to just drive home from jury duty. I know I'm harping on the road conditions, but I'm telling you, I kind of feel like they rule my life right now. If I'd drawn jury duty a year ago, I would have just driven home. Santa Monica Courthouse to my home in Topanga, 25 minutes tops. The limited opening of Topanga Canyon Blvd. isn't the problem. The issue is yet ANOTHER slide (rocks & soil), this one onto Pacific Coast Hwy. It's not being cleaned up and I can only assume the reason is that it's still active. So four very busy lanes are being moved into a single lane and it now takes me at least an hour and a half to get home and about the same to get to the courthouse in the morning. That being understood, you will appreciate how I can focus on my fellow drivers since we're either not moving at all or moving so slowly. Today, driving home from the courthouse, I saw the following:

A car loaded with teenagers driving home from school with a joss stick pushed tight into a little space at the top of the passenger front window...burning...and stinking up the fine smell of car exhaust and the Pacific Ocean.

A Dodge Neon filled with three people who looked like regulars on the HBO series Carnivale. The guy sitting in the backseat had earlobes that had been stretched around these heavy rings. I don't know how long it took to get his ears like that, but it was compelling. I couldn't not look at them. The guy who delivered my firewood had the same style thing going with his ears. Their mothers must be horrified. I would be. The driver had tattoos all over his face...ALL OVER HIS FACE AND his ears and his entire shaved, bald head was tattooed to look like a soccer ball. It was a horrible look, but he seemed happy enough. The one who really freaked me out, though, was the woman sitting in the front passenger seat. She had fingernails that were at least two to three inches long and curled around on themselves. THEY WERE HORRIBLE but, again, it was tough to look away. That car full of freaks almost made me happy to be sitting in traffic.

Nick Nolte in this kind of ratty looking older BMW. Maybe it wasn't him, but it sure looked like him and I know he lives in Malibu, at least that's where he got his DUI last year.


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