Friday, March 09, 2007

Falling Short of God's Standards, to quote Newton Gingrich

So, last week I was completely dedicated to writing about all the ways I couldn't stand Newton Leroy Gingrich. After he said he'd "fallen short of God's standards..." [referring to his marital infidelities] how could I not? I'd write a line here, a line there and then I'd get all itchy and weird feeling and have to stop. So, I only wrote one major reason why I hate him. Forget the 999 others. It just made me too itchy to think, much less write about him.

Anyway, today I'm all about the evangelical gay baby uproar. What in sweet baby Jesus' name is wrong with these people?

So given my all over itchiness, this is all I wrote about Newt. It should be enough, I guess, to make anyone with even half a brain hate him.

Oh Newt, you highly disgraced former Leader of the House who wants to be president (are you completely nuts?). How much do I despise you, let me count the ways:

1. Even if Jesus Christ existed and there is a God (and all you godly types, I swear it is fine for you to believe whatever you want and you may be right and I'm not feeling like arguing about religion so park it at the door), Gingrich didn't only (to quote him) 'fall short of God's standards' by royally screwing those he claimed to love, he fucking fell short of mine (A VERY LONG TIME AGO). How? By having an extramarital affair (and again, who cares) while he was working hard to impeach Clinton. I know, I know, Bill was an idiot to lie, but would you feel altogether comfortable taking the moral high ground if you were screwing around on your wife? Maybe she didn't have great expectations for his fidelity. After all, he married her just months after divorcing wife #1. Who knows what led to the demise of the first marriage. That's their biz. What is known is that he divorced her and had her sign the papers when she was in hospital being treated for cancer. Yeah, family values.

Uh oh, getting itchy again. Gotta run. But if you want to read a tiny bit more about his personal life, try this Wikipedia link. Fascinating stuff.